Designed by Holly Batastrophe based on a layout by kynzgerl

A few weeks ago one of the girls who used to my friend and treated me like crap before I quitted our friendship (In 2008) wrote me a note for my birthday - because in my class we all write little notes to the birthday boy/girl and we make a small celebration - and she mostly said that I didn't deserve what she and the other girls had done to me, that she admires me for my strength and that she thinks I'll do great things in life, and last but not least, that she was sorry for never facing me.

All I though was "Fuck you!". I'm still angry with her, I still think she's a pathetic bitch and etc... I think you can pretty much figure out how I feel about her.

My mother knows exactly what happened with those girls, why we separated, how they treated me and everything else. But we had a conversation a few days ago.

I told her about what this girl wrote, and she told me that she perfectly understood if couldn't go and talk to the two other girls I haven't forgiven yet, because one of them is just evil (Seriously) and the other one is evil and is completely nuts (Seriously too). But she also said that I should try and talk to this other girl, to tell her that I'm in peace with what happened, because she wasn't truly evil, she just had a lot problems with her family, let's just say her parents don't pay much attention to her, and she lives with her mom only, so she obviously feels rejected by the world, alone, angry and all that crap (Which I think it's true anyway). I just told her I'd try so I wouldn't have to talk about it again.

The truth is I just can't. I can't forgive her, I can't talk to her in a nice or polite way, I can't tell her I'm in peace, BECAUSE I'M NOT. I still despise her, and I don't think that will ever change, unless I forget her, but I won't forgive. I can't because I don't want to. I don't want to forgive again. I'm tired of being the so good girl, the poor idiot who always ends up forgiving and forgetting, I just want to be a bit evil this time, I want to allow myself to be a bit unperfect, just once, just this time.

I've forgiven the bullying I suffered, I've forgiven almost every abuse I've been through, all but this one.

And plus, she didn't even ask for my forgiveness, she just said "And I'm sorry for never facing this". I might end up thinking about forgiving her if she asks me to, but she hasn't even asked for it! And if she's not willing to be brave enough to face me, and humble enough to admit what she did was wrong in person, forgiving her is not even a possibility.

I want her to kneel down to me, to fight for it. Making someone feel the way she made me feel is not for free, and I won't give her my feelings for free just like that.
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Unas semanas atrás una de las chicas que solía ser mi amiga y me trató como mierda hasta que dejé de ser su amiga definitivamente (En el 2008) me escribió una nota para mi cumplaños - Porque en mi curso todos escribimos notas al que está de cumpleaños y lo celebramos - y en resumen me escribió que yo no me merecía lo que ella y las otras me habían hecho, que me admiraba for mi fortaleza y que piensa que voy a llegar lejos, y por último, que lamentaba no haberlo enfrentado nunca.

Todo lo que pude pensar fue "¡Andate a la mierda!". Sigo resentida con ella, Sigo pensando que es una pobre weona y etc... Creo que se entiende lo que siento por ella.

Mi mamá sabe exactamente lo que pasó con ellas, por qué nos separamos, cómo me trataron y todo lo demás. Pero tuvimos una conversación hace unos días.

Le conté acerca de la nota, y me dijo que ella perfectamente entendía si no podía acercarme y hablarle a las otras, a las que aun no perdono tampoco, porque una de ellas es simplemente mala (En serio) y la otra es mala y está loca (En serio también). Pero también dijo que debería intentar hablar con esta otra chica, decirle que estoy en paz con lo que pasó, porque ella en verdad no era mala, tan sólo tenía muchos problemas con su familia, Dejémoslo en que sus papás no le prestan mucha atención, y ella vive sola con su mamá, por lo tanto ella obviamente se siente rechazada por el mundo, sola, enojada y toda esa porquería (Que creo que es cierto en todo caso). Sólo le dije que sí para no tener que hablar más del tema.

La verdad es que no puedo. No puedo perdonarla, no puedo hablarle en forma agradable ni educada, no puedo decirle que estoy en paz, PORQUE NO LO ESTOY. Aun la odio, y no creo que eso llegue a cambiar, a menos que la olvide, pero no la voy a perdonar. No puedo porque no quiero. No quiero perdonar de nuevo. Me harté de ser la niñita buena, La pobre tonta que siempre termina perdonando y olvidando, sólo quiero ser un poco mala esta vez, quiero permitirme ser un poco imperfecta, sólo una vez, sólo esta vez.

Perdoné el abuso que sufrí, he perdonado casi todos los abusos que he sufrido, todos menos este.

Y además, ella ni siquiera me pidió que la perdonara, simplemente dijo "Y lamento nunca haberlo enfrentado". Si me lo hubiera pedido, podría pensarlo, ¡pero ni siquiera me lo pidió! Y si no se digna a ser lo suficientemente valiente para enfrentarme, y lo suficientemente humilde para admitirme a la cara que se equivocó, perdonarla no es siquiera una posibilidad.

Quiero que se humille, que luche por eso. hacer sdentir a alguien de la forma en que ella y las otras lo hicieron no es algo que se haga gratis, y no le regalaré mis sentimientos así nada más.

Qué triste cuando te das cuenta de que hay gente en quien no puedes confiar, no más.

Ya me estoy decepcionando de dos personas a las que quería mucho.

Una está simplemente loca, por suerte nunca fui muy cercana, pero era familia. Una lástima, la familia es un lugar de refugio, de confianza y amor (Siempre es, porque si esto no se da, ya no es familia, aunque el ADN diga lo contrario). Lo que más me molesta en este caso es la estupidez de la mujer esta, y ya la cobardía de meterse con niños, y por la espalda para peor, señora, ¿no es usted más que vieja para meterse con infantes, no se da cuenta de que están fuera de su liga hace mucho, mucho, muchísimo tiempo? Y por plata, por narcisismo y plata, y lo peor es que, ¡¿que plata?! Me da risa casi, pobre demente, pero lo que aun más pena me da es que por culpa de esta mujer venenosa, tenga que alejarme de otras personas a las que les tenía muchísima estima, mucha más que a ella. Por suerte esto fue paulatino, no fue una verdad que se descubrió repentinamente.

De lo otro me enteré hoy día. Y lo peor es que pasó hace mucho tiempo, gracias a Dios y gracias a otra amiga, de verdad, que me protegió. Hace tiempo que me vengo decei¿pcionando cada vez más de esta persona, pero hasta ahora, nunca supe si ella me había hecho algo directamente a mi. Ahora lo sé. No es tan grave, sólo son rumores, porque no pudo callarse la boca frente a otra persona (Que luego esparció el resto, y modificado para peor), pero la confianza ya no existe, y es triste, pues yo contaba con ella como confidente, aunque cada vez menos, pero aun quedaban trazas de esos días. Ya me rendí totalmente con ella, llevo muchísimo tiempo tratando de rescatarla del barro, sin embargo ella obviamente goza revolcándose con los cerdos, y no quiere salirse de eso, le gusta autobasurearse, y luego autoconvencerse de que ha hecho lo correcto con ella y misma y con el resto. Pero, lo veo por el lado positivo, ahora podré desligarme 100% de todo lo que, indirectamente si, me conectaba con otros seres humanos detestable (Los cerdos) y su mierda (El barro). No soy superhéroe de nadie, y si no quiere cambiar ya es cosa suya, al menos creo que respeto su espacio personal (Incluyendo el psicológico), a diferencia de ella, y en ese momento ni siquiera me había peleado con el resto, qué mal.

Lamentable. Simplemente lamentable.

I've played the piano since I was 12. I really like it, and along with the harpsichord (Which is the ancestor of the piano, and can be played in the same way), it's my favourite instrument.

I simply adore it, what can I say?

Guess what comes now :D

Playlist here

Don't get me wrong, I'm as happy as a gawff girl could ever be, so I'm not going through that annoying suicidal phase again, it's just that (Only to make myself look more stereotypical) I've always been interested in dark or morbid topics, such as the supernatural (Vampires, witches and ghosts mostly) and death (This including suicide as a sub-topic).

I remember the time I was a suicidal attention-whore. When I started showing my depression to everyone through the internet, specially through my fotolog. I was such a stupid kid. When it first started I was all into music like Evanescence. Other bands I used to listen to a lot were Nightwish, Within Temptation, Epica and Flyleaf, and later on I got into bands like The Birthday Massacre, Dope Stars Inc., Tristania, Rammstein, etc... A complete Mallgoth, just that I didn't call myself a goth at this point, though I did want to have gothy clthing, more like cheesy romantic gawff clothing, which I dislike, consisting on a bad quality corset (With no shrug, armwarmer, collars, necklaces, or anything, no accesories), and a long skirt (Down to my knees), with, of course, the combat boots. That style is just too boring and easy to me right now...

Anyway, now back to the topic on itself.

Suicide is the intentional killing of oneself (According to Wikipedia, lame source, lame me). In some countries a failed suicide is legally punished, for example, England (Of course, if you don't fail, you can't be legally punished, dah). Each year over a million persons kill themselves, and between 10 to 20 millions try to commit suicide, but fail.

Popular ways to commit suicide are suicide by bleeding (Cutting your wrists being the most notable form of this method), suicide by drowning, suicide by suffocation, suicide by electrocution, suicide by jumping (Off a cliff, roof, etc...), suicide with firearms (Pistols), suicide by hanging, suicide by impact (Car impact, for example), suicide by poisoning (Drug overdose), suicide by immolation (Fire), suicide by starvation and suicide by explosion.

Many famous people have committed suicide, depending on your culture, your home country, age, race, religion, etc... SOme may have been more or less important. As a supa gawff girl, of course the most important suicides were Ian Curtis (Joy Division) and Rozz Williams (Christian Death, Shadow Project). Both hanged themselves, Curtis did in 1980, and Rozz did in 1998. Other suicides that call my attention is the suicide of Cleopatra the VII. She killed herself by forcing an egyptian cobra to bite her. Another popular (Yet not so importasnt to me), is the suicide of Kurt Cobain, though, many say that he was killed.

Gues what! ANOTHER PLAYLIST :D

Playlist here

Music has always been an important part of my life, so I decided to write about my favourite genres of music, and I'll start with my favourite of all them; Gothic Rock.

Gothic Rock is genre evolved from (Dark) Post-Punk, with a Hard Rock influence in the early or middle 80s on England.

This genre was "officially" born when The Sisters of Mercy released their first album in 1985 (First and Last and Always), influencing the whole goth music scene, creating the Second Wave of Goth Music (1985 - 1995), making Goth Rock the most popular genre in the goth scene (Before it was Post-Punk).

Goth Rock is easily recognizable by the jangly guitar style used, which sounds as if the guitars had their own distant and echoing melody apart from the song. It has a very prominent bass and drums. The prominent bass gives a lower gloomy sound, and the drums can be described as repetitive tribal-like percussion. Also, many bands use a Drum Machine instead of real Drums (Like The Sisters of Mercy).

The vocals used in this genre are often deep almost operatic male voices (The Sisters of Mercy, Nosferatu, Rosetta Stone), also some bands use a vocal style that's very similar to the vocal style of male singers in Doom Metal (The Biggest example is Carl McCoy from Fields of The Nephilim).Female vocalists are also common in this genre, and their voces are often beautiful soft voices, and they don't sing in low-low tones like usually the male singers do, but they don't sing in high notes, they mostly stick to the Mezzo-Soprano register, and at least I don't remember a single Goth Rock band with female operatic vocals (That's an element from Gothic and Symphonic Metal). Also it's very rare to find symphonic elements, though many bands use a repetitive melodic piano, harpsichord or organ, or synthetizers that resemble a music box. Electronic elements are used too.

My fave bands: Faith and The Muse (Their Gothic Rock stuff), Two Witches, Nosferatu, Corpus Delicti, Cinema Strange, Inkubus Sukkubus, Address Unknown, London After Midnight (Their Gothic Rock stuff), Witching Hour (UK).

And yet again another playlist :3

Playlist here

I'm not what most people would describe as "sexual". I'm a virgin actually, and very proud of it. I don't like the idea of sex. The moments I've been close to it haven't been nice at all.

When I was a child my nanny's son (Who sometimes came to my house with her too), he was sexually abusive with me (Never raped me, thank God), he just touched me a lot and forced me to kiss him.

When I was 11 years old I went to the house in front of mine. A friend of mine was having her birthday party. I got tired and I went by myself to a room and watched TV, untilmy friend's father appeared. He hugged me and whispered something to my ear I'd rather not to mention. Then his wife called him, and he told her to wait, and I just was scared to death because I knew exactly what he wanted to do. Her wife called for him again. And after a few seconds he went out of the room and left me alone there completely frightened, and I just went to hide in a closet besides the bathroom, when I suddenly realised that my sister was there too, probably by herlsef, and she was just a naive little 8 years old girl, so I just picked her and took her to the closet with me, to protect her and to wiat for our parents to pick us up.

Later my parents took us home, but my problems with that excuse of man wouldn't end up there. Since that day I couldn't go out to my front garden again because he would go out to his front garden EVERYTIME and keep on staring at me until I went in. That lasted for years, until he moved in 2007, when I was 16.

I'm not truly traumaticed about sex, I'm just playing the victim in this blog because I love attention, please don't pitty me. I'm just an ego bitch and I ADORE talking about myself and my past, but at least I admit it (Oh yes, that shows integrity to make me look good again :D).

I must admit, though I don't like the idea of sex, I still LOVE sexy aesthetics; Bondage, BDSM and Fetish clothing and music, *Real* Vampyrism (No Twilight shit, I mean Carmilla, Dracula and Anne Rice), Burlesque & Dark Cabaret/Punk Cabaret, Pin Ups, etc.

I LOVE music with fetish lyrics. Two Witches is my biggest fetish crush. I'm a virgin, so I don't really know, but I think I would enjoy Sadomasoquism, and if I'd enjoy it, I would totally be a submissive. I think. At least I don't see myself as a Dominatrix (Insex, 'cause in my actual relationship I'm very dominant). Probably I'd rather be a submissive because I've always been abused by someone at some point of my life, except now, everything seems to go perfect.

Now, another playlist xD

Playlist here

I think if anyone does read this, those (If I'm lucky enough to have more than one reader) should know me a bit at least.

My (Non real) name is Holly Batastrophe. Got that name from two artists, Specimen (One of their compilations is called "Batastrophe"), and from Eat Your Make Up's song "Holy Bats".

I'm 17 years old right now, and my birthday is in October 28th. My zodiacal sign is Scorpio, and my chinese zodiacal sign is the Goat. I must admit I don't know much about my chinese sign, but I do know a lot about Scorpio.

I'm very strong minded, to the point of being stubborn and obstinate. Nothing changes my mind, except for own myself. Really, sometimes even if I know I'm wrong.

I'm Catholic and I just today confirmated my faith, and I'm so happy about it :) For the first time since I discoverd true happiness I feel like I want to do something with my life, for real. Though I strongly believe in God, and have strong opinions about many things, I respect well based different opinions, I actually respect them a lot, so I hope to be respected.

I have a fucking awful temperament. I get angry very easily. But not with everything, I only get angry when it's something I considere important (Even if others think it's stupid), if it's something unimportant or that I can fix, I just laugh at myself xD That's why people that doesn't really know me use to think I'm very relaxed and peaceful, while I'm just completely hysterical and a hyper.

I think I'm very comprehensive with people, and very patient with them when I care about them, but when someone just gets to a hich point of disrespect, or lack of loyalty, OUT! Really, I learnt by hard that no one has the right to make me feel bad, unless I deserve it, if somebody does it once, then I can forgive and forget (You don't even have to ask for an apologize), twice I'll talk to you to try to make you stop, three times and I'll give you a bad moment, four times, then fuck you. You obviously don't care about me or didn't have the cocks to talk if something's bothering you if at this point you're still being a prick.

I loose interest fast and easy. I don't like uninteresting people. People are interesting to me when they have something to say, when they show some knowledge (And I don't even meam formal knowledge, can be life experience, or spirituality), I find interesting people that can make me laugh and people I can keep on talking without forcing the situation. People are uninteresting when they only talk about theirselves, when they just mope and complain about life (Or their lives). I think cliqué people is uterly boring. I hate those "alternative" pricks who seem to think that anyone that doesn't dress particulary "different" or listens to alternative music or something is superfitial/dumb/boring, etc... Some of the coolest people I've ever known listen to more common music, dress in jeans an T-shirts and have no extreme body modifications, by the other hand some of the most stupid and selfish people I've ever known are into alternative or pseudo alternative fashion/music/scene, whatever.

I see a lot of "emos", "screamos", scenes, brits, aggros, visuals, metalheads, "goths" and cybers as that kind of people. I usually don't get a long with that kind of people, but that doesn't mean that I let my prejudment influence me when I meet new people. Of course I have my own ideas of how they might be (Who doesn't?), but I try to keep in my mind that my prejudment is only a "might be" and not something for sure. Sadly most of the time my prejudment is proven right when I get to know some people.

I dislike arrogant or haughty people. I HATE despective people. They just piss me off. Who the hell they think they are? I can deal with ignorant people when they are open minded and don't pretend to know everything, what I can't stand is ignorant people thinking they know what they're talking about.

I'm very egocentric and I admit it, but I'm not selfish, not extremely selfish at least. I dislike selfishness. I don't like depressed people most of the time (Specially if they're teenager or young people), unless they suffer from a real medical illness or just have a truly fucking ugly life. And by fucking ugly, I mean people that have suffered for real, sexual abuse, physical abuse, psychological abuse, TRUE solitude and abandonment, poverty, etc... No that typicall mopey shit lik "The world hates me", "I'm destinated to suffer", "Nobody wants me". They always ask what life has to give or offer to them. Have those people ever wondered what they have to give or to offer to life? That's pure selfishness. Stop moping about your solutionable emotional and animic troubles, and look arround, there are people that truly suffer. And probably you have caused most of your suffering.

I truly believe there is people who can't stand happiness in their lives. I used to be like that, but I grew up. If you're like that, PLEASE GROW UP. And if you won't change, then don't complain. BE A MAN/WOMAN.

I admit I'm very lame, I think it's because of a lack of incentive, or something similar. I need incentives, a lot, because I've shown many times that when I truly care about something I fight for it till the end, AND NO ONES GETS IN MY WAY, I SWEAR! And I repeat, NO ONE. Sadly only a few things seem to be important to me.

I'm very controlling. I have to say I can't stand when things aren't done my way. I hate it. That's why I prefer to do all by myself at school, or outside of school. I become a real prick when I don't get what I want. I have to work on that one xD

I have problems to control my anger. When I'm pissed, please stp back, or you'll get hurt, even if I love you, you'll get hurt. That's something else I have to work on, and I'm actually working on it and I have progressed. I think that's why I used to self injury. Now I just attack whatever is on my way e_e (Walls, forniture, books, toys, etc...) I don't know how none of my two cats have gotten hurt >_>

I don't agree with abortion. I think it's horrible. Women do have the right to control their own bodies, but the creature inside their bodies is somebody else, and you have no right to touch him or her. Yes, the situation babies in orphanages or adoptions centers suffer are most of the time awful, but killing tghe babies won't solve the problem. It's like killing poor people to end poverty.

I don't belive in logic, it's hard to explain it, but I just don't believe in logic, and I don't believe in reality, I don't believe in our senses. I just believe in our spirits. To me our spirits are the only ones that can lead us to the truth. If logic was functional, we would all think in the same way, if our senses were functional, we would all sense and percieve in the same way, becuase we have the same basic mental and physical structure. We obviously don't sense, percieve or think in the same way. Spirits are the only entities that are completely different one from another, no matter your race, family, politic direction, etc... We all can love, hate feel sad, angry, happy, relaxed, etc... We might not understand what an outsider of our contry is saying, but we can "get" the feeling they try to transmit. Mothers and fathers can understand their babies when they don't even talk, through intuition but we have a hard time trying to understand people through verbal or non verbal language. That's why sometimes words aren't needed when the feelings are strong ('Cause what we try to express is far from logic and sense, and we can't understand it through our physical senses, but it's still 100% real).

I believe beauty is hidden in everything, and we sometimes don't even see the most obvious beauty, like the sun rising, the beauty of a cloudy cold day, the beauty of pain, the beauty of happiness, the beauty of love, the beauty of desolation or solitude. Everything's beautiful, and only those who can see beauty are truly happy. Of course, no one is able to see beauty all the time, but we can try.

I believe love is the only way to happiness. Love yourself, love the people arround you, and if you believe in God, love him/her too and his/her creation. Hate is the greatest enemy of happiness. Also is the lack of love (Which isn't necessarily hate).

I don't believe in destiny. I believe we make our own life paths, for that we are the ones to blame for everything, and also the ones in charge to make ourselves and everybody else happy.

My main goal in life isn't a career, success, beauty, a romance, or something like that. My only goal in life is to be happy and to make other happy (In no order). Careers, romances, family and the rest are just the tools.

My selfsteem is growning stronger, but sadly I must admit it's based mainly in my physical beauty. When I don't feel pretty I just don't feel okay. It's stupid, childish and superfitial, but it's true. That's why I'm VERY vain.

I love kittens, and I hate dogs. When I was little I think I had a phobia towards dogs, now I don't, but I still dislike them.

I want to have a family, I want to get married by the church, and I truly want to be a mother. I'm very mommy with the people I care, including my brothers and even my boyfriend at times, I just can't help it. I really feel that being a mother is my true vocation, I was made for it (That doesn't mean I'm gonna be a good mother or that I'm prepared). I just love little kids, teaching them (I thought my sister how to read), taking care of them, seeing them grow, helping them. I'm grateful that I have an AMAZING mother. She's the personification of handing over the people she loves, her family and husband. When I grow up I want to be like her, as a mother and as a person. My father is a great man. He's one of the most nobel, gentle and correct people I've known. He has thought me and my brothers to be correct people, to fight for what we believe and love, to have respect for others, to do things right.

I hate cooking, I'm good at it (Pretty good actually), but I truly dislike it, I'm an eater, not a cooker.

I don't do sports, I HATE sports. And I just suck at it, I'm just good at dancing.

I'm all into arts, philosophy, history, languages, literature and political sciences. I don't like chemestry, biology, phisics or any kind of "exact" sciences, I think they're usless, mainly for the fact that they study on the base of an existing reality, which is physical, and I already stated that I don't believe in reality, specially in physical reality.

I love drawing, and I try my best to grow better as a drawer. I also do some graphic desing on Photoshop, and I'm not an expert at all, but I'm getting good. I like doing photomanipulations (You can see some of my drawing ans photomanipulations in my deviantART).

In philosophy, I don't like Descartes, I don't like Platon, I don't like Aristoteles, I just like Derrida. He seems the only one (I know about) that understands what I think. GO DECONTRUCTIONISM! Reality, language, time, names, sciences, knowledge doesn't exist. That's pure social conditioning and social agreements. Thank you Jacques Derrida for thinking it before I did. I don't think I could have put it in words if it wasn't for him ♥. I probably would have never been so interested in philosophy, because no ideology before him had filled my needs.

I adore history, specially Universal History, my favourite historical moments are the Middle Ages, Ancient Egypt, and the Modern Europe and Contemporary History.

When I say languages, more than "english", "spanish", "portuguese", "italian", "chinese", etc... I mean languages as codes. Grammar, the history of those languages, what was the first or the firsts languages spoken by humanity, why did they change, how did they change, how language affects/affected society and viceversa. I speak spanish (My main language), and I'm intermediate in english. I really would like to speak Latin. I don't like french (I hate it). I like german, italian and I'd love to study archaic or old fashioned english or spanish.

In literature I'm just a sucker for Romantic and Barroque literature, specially Gothic Horror. I also like some Post-Modern and contemporary literature, but PLEASE, no latin literature (Except for argentine literature), and NO FUCKING STEPHANIE MEYER. SHE'S NOT THE FUCKING QUEEN OF VAMPIRE NOVELS! That's Anne Rice ¬¬ SHE IS THE QUEEN!

And Edward Cullen can kiss Lestat's and Carmilla's ass. And then he shall be shot by Zero Kiryu and then Kaname Kuran can take off his heart and eat it. (If he did so to Shizuka he can do the same to Cullen). Only then Bram Stoker and Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu shall rest in peace.

I like darker aesthetics (Hard to notice? Duh!). I like all that is dark romantic or macabre (See my version of what's macabre in my blog). I adore everything resembling Burlesque, including images inspired by Vaudeville, Mimos, Harlequines, Jokers (Not the Batman Joker), etc. Other aesthetics I'm found of are the Fetish and Bondage aesthetics (But not actual porn, I dislike porn, and sex). Leater, vinil, PVC, short plain black miniskirts (Again made of leather or PVC), tight leather corsets, spikes, BDSM, etc... Also the Horror Pin-Up aesthetics are pleasent to my eyes, but I don't like it as much as I used to.

When it comes to clothing I admire what's related to goth aesthetic, also cabaret, psychobilly or punk, but Goth is obviously my favourite. I like Old School Goth, Romantic Goth and Bondgae/Fetish Goth (This too pretty much related to the second wave of Goth, which is my favourite). I'm lately dressing more romantic, and I adore it, but I can't dress bondage/fetish because of my parents and because of my lack of money. Leather, spikes, PVC, and supa hawt boots are really expensive. I only wish I could look like Nauku (Ex Two Witches).

Believe it or not, I like brighter aesthetics as well. Pink, ice creem, shiny (pink) plastic, sparkles, etc... And also the so called Shavy Chic style, but I don't show my taste in those aesthetics when it comes to my clothing. I do wear white clothing at times, when I want to go Cabaret/Victorian inspired, with light withe and silver make up and pink lipstick.

Now music. Music is very important to me. I could live without music, but life would be fucking boring without it. I do like silence a lot, but I need some spare moments of my music played loud.

I mainly listen to Goth. Gothic Rock, Post-Punk, Gothic Deathrock and Gothic Darkwave. Adorable ♥. Yet, my favourite artist is not Goth at all (Although she claims to be goth). That would be Emilie Autumn. I love her. Her music helped me to go through many things, specially her songs Liar, My Fairweather Friend, Mad Girl and I Know Where You Sleep. I love her lyrics (Her sincerity is overwhelming in "Swallow", just read the lyrics), her voice and all the background music she makes, also her aesthetics are awesome (Not just a musician, a complete artist) and God, I know it's not relevant for musical quality, but SHE'S SMOKING HAWT!

Besides her, other great musical artist in my personal taste are: Faith and The Muse, Sopor Aeternus, Two Witches, Switchblade Symphony, London After Midnight, Miss Construction, Hocico, Blutengel, Nosferatu, Christian Death, Eat Your Make Up, Cinema Strange and Katzenjammer Kabarett. And, when I get tired of my usual supa gawffic music, I just switch to my Electro music (Angelspit, Ayria), Ethereal/Dark Ambient (Proyecto Oniric, Dark Sanctuary, Nox Arcana), Punk (The Adicts, The Distillers), Psychobilly (Zombina and The Skeletones, Horrorpops), or just MTV Pop (Yeah, Britney, Katy Perry, Christina, Hilary Duff... Disapointting? I don't give a damn ;3).

I don't like Metal at all, the only Metal band I listen to is Tristania, and I rarely do. Bands that piss me off are; Cradle of Filth, Evanescence, Slipknot, Marilyn Manson, Eyaculación Post-Mortem, Miguel and The Living Dead, Radiohead, and any Black/Death/Heavy/Thrash Metal, Pseudo Emo or Pseudo Screamo (MCR, Alesana, 30 Seconds to Mars, etc...), Metalcore, boring Pop/Folk/Acoustic music, Grindcore, Deathcore, anything that ends with "Core" and it's not Hardcore Punk, Visual-Kei, Eroguro-Kei, Oshare-Kei, J-music in general, and a BIG etc. I can deal with Gothic, Doom and Symphonic Metal, but they bore me to death. True Emocore and true Screamo (Rites of Spring, Saetia, Belle Epoque) are good music in my taste, but not my thing. I like Pop when it's funny, or "mature" yet not boring and dancey, like late Hilary Duff stuff, or just plain slutty Pop. Dark Electro is fine, but not my thing, and I hate most of Dark Electro's fans. I don't hate Reggaeton, I just don't listen to it. I'm sick of those mopey teenagers that seem to think that hating Reggaeton makes them alternative and different. I can't stand Reggae music, it's so fucking boring I can't stand it.

Back to my personality, out of my tastes.

Cruelty to innocents is something I can't stand. As a child I was psychologically bullied and sexualy abused (Yet not raped). I got depression for, guess what 10 fucking years out of it. I am a very cruel person, but I like to think I'm just cruel to those who deserve it.

I think I'm a not so bad friend. And a good girlfriend. I could do better as a sister though. My sister (She's 14 years old) is my best female friend, my best male friend is Yerko, we're like spiritual brothers.

A good way to bother me is being rude and/or impolite. You don't need to be all formal with me, just respectful, that's all. My sister is the only one who has gone FAR from my respect limits and is still alive. It's mutual anyway, so I can't complain.

I hate when children are disrespectful to their parents. Really. Off course I have my moments, but I think I'm more respectful to my parents than most people my age. Parents and the church are the only authorities I respect sightlessly. Given that I'm an anarchist that sounds like total contradiction, and it probably is, but I have my reasons. I won't explain why right now, that would take long. I just want to clarify that parents are not necessarily the progenitors (Biological parents) of the child.

I think I'm being very honest right now. I don't mind being judged, that's what I'm risquing for being this open in public, but I don't care. I never really open myself to others, so it's an escape. Say what you want, all I know is that I'm happy this way, and unless I'm no longer happy I won't take any non constructive critic from anyone.

Thanks for your time, I know this was way long, but thank God (For you) my inspiration died :3